I reckon that was a horrible last post to write and then disappear again. Truly things have been going well...really busy and a bit stressful but a lot of great stuff mixed in there too.
There has been a lot of laughter in our house lately and I reckon that is a really good thing! I will admit to some pulling my hair out moments too. But I think that comes with the territory of two boys ages 3 and 2 and a small business trying to find it's footing. We went through a spell there when the kids were in bed at 8! We were counting down the minutes to say, "It's bedtime! Kiss Daddy! See you in the morning." Sing our songs, read our books and lay them down! And I would be asleep as soon as I hit the couch. And I started to ask myself...am I actually enjoying my children?
From as far back as I can remember I wanted to be a mom. I would play lawyer...but I always had a babydoll on my hip at the same time. I knew I would be one that married young and started having kids right away. I really yearned for it. As soon as the sweet hubby and I got married I had baby fever. We probably weren't even married yet to be honest! Trying to be responsible we decided to wait 2 years to try. Yet, babies were all I thought about, all I talked about, and all I read about. (Seriously, what 19 year old watches A Baby Story on TLC? It was a little weird!) I remember sitting and thinking about what they would look like and act like. I vividly recall sitting on the couch with my sweet hubby and thinking about little munchkins rambling on and on and cracking us up with the crazy things they'd say. Fast forward almost 5 years (in July) and all my dreams have come true and so much more than I could have imagined.
Big B does not stop talking. If he runs out of something to say on a topic-he will just. make. noise. And he is so sweet and funny he makes me cry happy tears daily. Little N is getting so big! He can be so sweet or so ornery when he wants to be. Even his ornery self is hilarious! I dreamed about our house being filled with laughter and we have been blessed with two little boys who know just how to do it!
But a lot of things come with children that I didn't expect. I guess I knew they would come but I didn't expect them to wear on you like they do. You know..all the mundane life stuff. Dishes, laundry, ants in the kitchen, dog eating my favorite shoes, bills, tummy bugs, ear aches, diets...(insert your own list). These things by themselves are no big deal! When I'm feeling strong I can tackle them all without blinking. I have the potential to be super mom-there are times I have felt like I am.
But when I am feeling weak, when these things have worn me down so that I can no longer laugh at the beautifully hilarious things my children say. When I can no longer see the blessings in my lap (even when they are asking me "why" for the millionth time!), I know I have become too focused on these mundane things and I need a refresher. I need to leave the dishes and read that book about the caterpillar (again). I need to just throw out those once adorable shoes and hold my baby because he won't be asking for too much longer. I need to remember the reason I am doing all those mundane things in the first place.
I reckon I am back to enjoying the laughter for the moment. I hope it stays. There is nothing worse than relearning a lesson and realizing, "Gosh, I was just here!". But I reckon there isn't a more important lesson for me than this.
Oh, and...my children have gone to bed late almost every night this week.