Saturday, August 28, 2010

Do Better...

Today I have a bad case of the "Do Betters"! I reckon as a wife, mother, friend and now small business owner it's understandable to feel like I'm being pulled in a million directions. But I feel like I should be handling it more gracefully. (Is that a girl thing?) In almost everything I do lately I finish the task and wish I had done it better. Laundry-wish I had folded it all and put it away. Dishes-wish I was the kind of woman who cleaned up right after dinner and didn't save them for tomorrow-or the next day. Kids-wish I had played with them more today. Wish I hadn't lost my temper over something silly. Wish I had gotten a picture of that...Let's face it-the "kids" list could go on and on.You guys get what I mean. I know I'm not alone here.
I feel like in this life we get into a certain routine...we get comfortable functioning one way. Then something new gets thrown at us-in my case a business. And we have to rearrange everything. It feels like when you spring clean your closet. And get all the nifty organizational crap. And you plan it all out...hang it all up...and it doesn't work. So, you do it again and again until you find the best way to make it all fit-because you're not willing to give any of it up. (Maybe I am alone on this one.) But that's how I feel with this whole working mom situation. I plan out my week with kid time and office time. Then I realize I need me time (learning and growing with God, gym time, even showering time!). So, then I rearrange my week trying to fit it all in. And I'm left wishing I had..."done better". I realize these are not unique issues that only I face. I'm just trying to find some reckoning here. Bear with me.
My birthday was yesterday. And for me, birthdays are a time to think back on the past year-much more than the new year is for me.  And each year I reckon our roots here grow deeper. We've strengthened our marriages, our family ties, our complete devotion to our children, and our friendships. And all those things make us feel secure and help us look at all the trials of that year as being "worth it". But driving home last night (from the most wonderful meal I have ever eaten) with T, we were listening to a Christian song that talked about us being nomads in this world. About NOT planting roots here because my home is not here. So, I ended my birthday feeling blessed with a wonderful year but knowing my focus this year was way off. I was focusing on perfecting myself in all the little areas of my life.
So, Today's Reckoning is something I have to relearn again and again. Every time I think-"Gosh, this is just way too hard. There has to be a 'better' way." I am graciously reminded that- If I am focusing on how I can grow HIS kingdom and not my own kingdom-the rest will be amazing. Because it will have HIS hand and not my own directing it. I reckon I need to have my favorite verse tattooed on my forehead for the next time I forget. Jeremiah 17:8 He will be like a tree planted by the water that sends out its roots by the stream. It does not fear when heat comes; its leaves are always green. It has no worries in a year of drought and never fails to bear fruit. So, today I reckon I will plant my roots by The Stream and not worry. Duh.

Thursday, August 26, 2010

My facebook status will not hold enough characters...

So, I was trying to post a status update on facebook. And, as usual, I wanted to write a novel...and it cut me off. Today-I'm not in the mood to be cut off, stopped short, or ignored. So, I reckon, today, I'll start a blog. Isn't that all a blog is for someone like me? Someone with nothing creative to say, nothing to say to a particular person, nothing book-worthy, it's just a place to ramble about my reckonings. Not the judgmental kind of "reckon"- the southern, "Well, I reckon". That's all this is.
Here's what I wanted to put on my status: I know you are interested...
A morning in the life of a mother of two boys:
7am: I am not complaining about that time! Wake up to B crawling into my bed and asking me where BawBaw and Gamaw are. "At their house...are you still sleepy?" A tired momma can hope.
8am: Boys are fed and have been caught and dressed for the gym. I realize their finger nails are long enough to inflict harm ( accidental or intentional). I get the clippers and trim their "zinger" nails (as B would say). I then realize how filthy my children are. Must have played hard at the park last night with BawBaw and Gamaw.
8:30am: Boys are bathed, lotioned, dressed (again) and strapped in a car seat. We're on our way to the 9 am class at the gym that is 45 mins away.
Side note: I always swore I wouldn't be one of those parents who could NEVER make it somewhere on time bc they had kids. Never say...
 9:15am: Starting my 2 hour work out.
10:15am: Noah is screaming at gym nursery door. His eyes are puffy, his shrieks are attracting other mother's radar, he's looking right at me. We pack up and leave early.
10:45am: We crash a friend's house and let the kids play while we have some adult talk. She generously feeds my children "unch" (B again), lets them wreck her house, and I feel a little saner. I say I'll bring food next time, chase the boys down and strap them in the car again.
12:30pm: Drive home. Call the husband-who, bless his heart, is so busy he doesn't have a minute to hear about how my workout got cut short, or how N has crashed in the backseat bc he played like such a big, sweet boy at said friend's house, or how B was driven around in a pink Cadillac in friend's backyard by friend's gorgeous daughter ( He was in heaven and had no idea he was covered in orange Popsicle).
1pm: Get home. Bring boys in. Lay them down for naps.Make my meal replacement shake. Sit down and start a blog.
Today's Reckoning: I reckon I started this blog to feel like I've shared my day with someone. It gets lonely staying at home with the boys. Any stay at home mom knows that. And having recently been needed up at the shop part-time-I know there's no where else I'd rather be than with my boys. But that doesn't make it an easier job. Just more fulfilling. So, even if no one reads this-I can feel like I've been heard and that I may still be a little bit interesting. And I didn't have to call anyone who is trying to work for a living and ramble when they have things to do. And it's a plus to have some kind of record of my time with the boys when they are growing up. We're having a blast and trying to get things done at the same time. It's a fun and tiring task.
Okay, I feel better. Time to shower and clean something before round 2. Ding Ding.