Do Better...

Today I have a bad case of the "Do Betters"! I reckon as a wife, mother, friend and now small business owner it's understandable to feel like I'm being pulled in a million directions. But I feel like I should be handling it more gracefully. (Is that a girl thing?) In almost everything I do lately I finish the task and wish I had done it better. Laundry-wish I had folded it all and put it away. Dishes-wish I was the kind of woman who cleaned up right after dinner and didn't save them for tomorrow-or the next day. Kids-wish I had played with them more today. Wish I hadn't lost my temper over something silly. Wish I had gotten a picture of that...Let's face it-the "kids" list could go on and on.You guys get what I mean. I know I'm not alone here.
I feel like in this life we get into a certain routine...we get comfortable functioning one way. Then something new gets thrown at us-in my case a business. And we have to rearrange everything. It feels like when you spring clean your closet. And get all the nifty organizational crap. And you plan it all out...hang it all up...and it doesn't work. So, you do it again and again until you find the best way to make it all fit-because you're not willing to give any of it up. (Maybe I am alone on this one.) But that's how I feel with this whole working mom situation. I plan out my week with kid time and office time. Then I realize I need me time (learning and growing with God, gym time, even showering time!). So, then I rearrange my week trying to fit it all in. And I'm left wishing I had..."done better". I realize these are not unique issues that only I face. I'm just trying to find some reckoning here. Bear with me.
My birthday was yesterday. And for me, birthdays are a time to think back on the past year-much more than the new year is for me.  And each year I reckon our roots here grow deeper. We've strengthened our marriages, our family ties, our complete devotion to our children, and our friendships. And all those things make us feel secure and help us look at all the trials of that year as being "worth it". But driving home last night (from the most wonderful meal I have ever eaten) with T, we were listening to a Christian song that talked about us being nomads in this world. About NOT planting roots here because my home is not here. So, I ended my birthday feeling blessed with a wonderful year but knowing my focus this year was way off. I was focusing on perfecting myself in all the little areas of my life.
So, Today's Reckoning is something I have to relearn again and again. Every time I think-"Gosh, this is just way too hard. There has to be a 'better' way." I am graciously reminded that- If I am focusing on how I can grow HIS kingdom and not my own kingdom-the rest will be amazing. Because it will have HIS hand and not my own directing it. I reckon I need to have my favorite verse tattooed on my forehead for the next time I forget. Jeremiah 17:8 He will be like a tree planted by the water that sends out its roots by the stream. It does not fear when heat comes; its leaves are always green. It has no worries in a year of drought and never fails to bear fruit. So, today I reckon I will plant my roots by The Stream and not worry. Duh.