Over A Month?

I reckon it's been over a month since I posted anything new. I'm not quite sure I believe that...but it is what the site says. I can't even think of what I've been doing. I have been in a constant struggle all month with doing too much and not getting enough done. I reckon everyone has been there a time or two and can relate with my frustration.

Let's start with what I have been neglecting (that way we can end on the things I have been attending to and maybe I'll feel better): The past month I have had trouble finding time for the gym, my emails, the house, the laundry, the roll of toilet paper the dog got a hold of and shredded about the floor,  lunch dates with my friends, my nails, the mail (finally checked it today-overflowing of course), and probably many many other things that I have completely forgotten about.

So, what have I been doing? Reading Goodnight Moon a few dozen times, drawing Mickey Mouse several times a day, watching Madagascar with Big B and Blues Clues with Little N, going to work, pulling everything out of my closet every morning because nothing fits, watching the Harry Potter's with my sweet hubby, finding group health insurance for the shop, attending PTF meetings, baking and making cards for class parties, making crafts for the boys to help them get in the Thanksgiving mood, losing sleep over what I didn't get done at work,  browsing black friday ads online, falling asleep in Big B's bed when I'm supposed to be putting him down for a nap,  waking up a few times a night with Little N who must have just started having nightmares, and I could go on and on.

Please let me be clear, I am not complaining and I do not think I am busier than anyone else. If anything I am baffled how other women seem to get it all done. The list of things I've been doing has some things I wouldn't want to be missing for the world. And a few things I could pass on. Just like my list of things I'm not doing. I would feel more at ease if the house was in order, or if I could make it to the gym, or spend some more time with my friends.

I reckon the point of this post is to let you know that while I was sitting on the couch folding laundry during nap time today-I was actually happy to see the house in such a mess because I know that meant we had played hard today. And I spent time with my kids that will hopefully mean more to them than a spotless house will when they get older. This is new for me. I have always stressed about the house and beat myself up when it wasn't up the my standards. I'm not saying I'll feel this way tomorrow or next week. And you will probably see more posts from me fretting about the sad state of my dirty house.

Now, if you'll excuse me, I reckon I have a date to build a lego castle with a 2 year old who couldn't care less about the toilet paper that is still all over the floor.

Laughs

I observed some things today that made me laugh and smile. And I want to share...I reckon that's what having a blog is all about!

I had a sweet preschooler explain the workings of the playground to me today.  "This is the big slide. These are the little slides. We stay on the little playground. No play with wood chips. This is B and this is N." Yes-she introduced my own children to me. Got to chuckle at that...

I had to tell Big B that he couldn't play with his itouch while he was in timeout. He's 2 and a half!!

I watched Little N bring said itouch to Big B and say "Dog". B-" Want to play Chica now?" N-"No. Dog". Then watched Big B pull up the dog game app for his little brother. N taking the itouch and walking away-"Th doo (Thank You)". I will again remind you that they are 2 and a half and 1 and a half-although I'm sure they have no idea.

I heard my sweet husband tell Big B that if he kept sticking his tongue out a bird would come and poop on it. Gross I know... Big B then turned to me with a huge smile and said, " I got poopie all over my mouth". I reckon being a mother of boys makes this laughable and not just revolting.

And now the highlights:

I watched a Little N-who has been fussing all day-immediatly calm down and pay attention with folded "prayer hands" as we said our bedtime prayers. And watched him give big brother goodnight hugs.

My heart melted as I played our goodnight game with Big B. Mommy-" I love you more than ice cream." B-" I love you-oranges." Mommy-"I love you more than sleeping in." B-" I love you-strawberries." Mommy-" I love you more than anything." B-"I love you-everything." Then I said my personal bedtime prayer for him and asked if there was anything he wanted to thank God for tonight-he is thankful for Pluto and Elmo. As I'm walking out of the room he says "Mommy, I had fun talking you anight."

I reckon they couldn't get much sweeter.

1 Dislike 1 Like

My Dislike:
I would like to preface this by admitting that I am not a great judge of music. But...

Has anyone else noticed that Katy Perry can't sing? I reckon not-since her songs are played constantly! This is something I have felt for a while but not voiced for fear of sounding cold and hurtful. But then I heard that she actually said in an interview that she doesn't even listen to her own music. I don't blame her. I think she said it under the pretext of "I get enough of myself as it is" and a smile. But I think we all know the reason...

But then again...I only know they play her songs all the time because I'm listening. And I have been singing one in particular all day. Just wondering if I'm the only one who is less than impressed with Ms. Perry.

My Like:
And it's more of an obsessive love.

The Hunger Games series by Suzanne Collins. Wow! Please don't be deterred by the Scholastic status of these books. I was skeptical but they came highly recommended by a trusted source and I am now recommending them to everyone I know. They are books that you can't put down and then when they're finished you wish there was another because you are so in love with the characters.

I wish I had another book to start because I need to move on with my life. But I can't imagine starting another one yet.

This picture has no relevance. I'm just want to start adding pictures and am so leery of using ones from the internet. And I don't have any personal pictures of Katy Perry to share. So...here is one I took when we were in Florida. 

Friendly or Feisty?

I reckon I have been more "feisty" than "friendly" the past few days...maybe weeks? I received a daily email for women and each day they focus on some aspect of our lives that we could be focusing on or working on. 5:20 am-I'm early for boot camp and decide to check my emails while I wait. Today's Subject line reads "Friendly or Feisty". Now, I don't mean to rip them off. But it really got me thinking of I how I have been treating everyone lately. And I wasn't pleased with myself.

It made another good point...we don't tell off the bank teller who takes her sweet time when I clearly have somewhere to be, or the cashier at the grocery who rang up my coupons wrong, or the customer who calls twice because she hasn't received her order-just to realize she sent it to the wrong fax address. We don't tell them off because we think before we speak to strangers and realize it's not polite. So...why don't we think before we react at home? Maybe because we're more comfortable or more irritated? I'm going with more comfortable. And I reckon we don't deal with the other things that irritate us in the world and let it all come out at home.

Now here's a point they didn't touch on...but this is really the main issue for me. Because I can hold my tongue for a time and not be short with the kids when they're driving me up the wall or not give my husband the cold shoulder because "I have a lot going on".  But, people, I'm not getting upset and ugly over big things-like lying or cheating or my house being taken away (those all seem like big things to me). I know I'm blessed to not have any of those issues in my life right now. I'm being ugly when the boys spill something (on purpose), or Big B is asking for something for the 15th time, or Little N is fussing for no apparent reason, or when my sweet hubby is needing some of my attention too. These are things that I normally have patience dealing with and even delight in because I know they are all for good reasons. I'll prove I know it- the boys spill things because they're boys and like messes, Big B is asking for something for the 15th time because he's 2 and he is under a lot of stress with preschool/mommy-going-to-work and learning how to function in this new big boy world. Little N is fussing because he's in the horrible "phase" we've already mentioned. And my sweet hubby needs my attention because we're a team and he loves me. These are things that usually please me-knowing my family loves me so much they want me around them all the time. But for some reason this is rubbing me the wrong way and I'm not letting my light show.

Wait...I've been here before. What have I stopped doing? What has always been my biggest struggle in my Christian walk? Can you guess it? Trusting God. Trusting Him that our finances are on a good path and will straighten out because I am trying to bring Glory to Him in all that I do, trusting Him to keep my children safe and fulfilled because they are His children first and foremost, trusting that He will make me a good mother and wife simply because I love Him and follow Him not because I'm running around with my head cut off trying to "do better". These are issues that keep cropping up in my life and then I start to feel like this. Then I start being feisty over the small things because I'm so worried over the bigger things I cannot control.

Todays Reckoning-I reckon I need to stop and spend time with the only One who can make me content with myself. In my searching I have never found anything to make me feel content like God. Yet, I always start looking again and always end up back on my knees because I'm worn out and frustrated. I reckon I'm going to go thank Him for all my blessings and find the joy in my small trials so that I can be friendly again. Won't my sweet hubby be happy?

3 hours

I reckon I have never truly appreciated the value of 3 measly hours until today. For weeks, months maybe, I have been longing to clean my house. My house is not (always) filthy. I will run the brush around the toilet, vaccuum the floors, or carry a basket of laundry to my bedroom when I find 10 minutes. But I'm talking about needing to CLEAN. Like back in the days when I was only a housewife, or only a mother of one child, heck! even a mother of one toddler and one immobile baby. The kind of cleaning where you put on your grubbies and really devote some time.

But lately...our house has been plagued with a sickness. A sickness only the mother of an 18 month old will know. Yes, I am referring to Separation Anxiety. This sickness deserves to be in capital letters. Maybe it's because he's the baby but my sweet Little N has got it bad! It's not just when I drop him off somewhere anymore...it's when I make dinner or fix my hair. Anytime I'm not holding him he screams as if he's in pain. I have gone through this before...but I am, of course, blaming it on myself. It can't be "just a phase" it has to be something wrong with my parenting. Something I'm not doing well enough...right? I'm probably scarring him for life because I am working part time and he has to stay with family who loves him to pieces. Or one of a hundred other things. And these hundred things may be adding to this "phase" but I am going to start accepting it for what it truly is...a horrible "phase". I would also like to take this time to blame my lack of postings lately on this "phase".
Okay...back to the point of this blog now that you know what we've been up to. Little N started school today. He's in the same Mother's Day Out program that Big B is in and, although he's been enrolled, could not start attending until he officially turned 18 months. So, today was the big first day of school for Little N. It is bad to say I have been waiting for this day? I have known he was going to love the school, love his teacher, and I have been praying it will help with the "phase". This morning he posed for pictures with his backpack on and I asked him all the way to school "Who is going to school today? Who is such a big boy? Who do I love so much?" And he answered, "Me. Me. Me". And the closer we get...the sadder I get. And he walks right into his classroom, picks up a toy, posing for a few more pictures, turns his back and doesn't even notice when we leave. And I'm a mess. I am so grateful that my darling husband was there or I would have been that mom crying in the lobby.

I think of my sweet baby all the way home. And the closer I get...the more excited I get. It has hit me that I now have 3 hours to CLEAN. No crying babies, no toys being taken out as soon as I put them up, and no guilt for not playing with the boys when I need to be cleaning. And best of all, I left a happy Little N who was excited for his first day of school. So, no guilt or worries there. It was wonderful. And the boys had wonderful days too.

They are napping soundly now, which is why I can blog and stalk everyone I know on Facebook. It's been too long- a lot has happened. I'm praising God for such an awesome morning that I didn't deserve and praying the afternoon is twice as much fun. Which it will be-because as nice as free time is, time with my boys is always better.

Today's Reckoning- I reckon I would never have thought I would be this happy to clean. And I probably would have thought anyone this excited to clean would have led a sad and pitiful life. But I reckon our priorities change a lot through our lives and I'm just glad I can be thankful for something as small as a clean house (and did I mention dinner is made?!) during a "phase" when I don't have a lot of time. And the best part...there's another school day on Thursday!

Do Better...

Today I have a bad case of the "Do Betters"! I reckon as a wife, mother, friend and now small business owner it's understandable to feel like I'm being pulled in a million directions. But I feel like I should be handling it more gracefully. (Is that a girl thing?) In almost everything I do lately I finish the task and wish I had done it better. Laundry-wish I had folded it all and put it away. Dishes-wish I was the kind of woman who cleaned up right after dinner and didn't save them for tomorrow-or the next day. Kids-wish I had played with them more today. Wish I hadn't lost my temper over something silly. Wish I had gotten a picture of that...Let's face it-the "kids" list could go on and on.You guys get what I mean. I know I'm not alone here.
I feel like in this life we get into a certain routine...we get comfortable functioning one way. Then something new gets thrown at us-in my case a business. And we have to rearrange everything. It feels like when you spring clean your closet. And get all the nifty organizational crap. And you plan it all out...hang it all up...and it doesn't work. So, you do it again and again until you find the best way to make it all fit-because you're not willing to give any of it up. (Maybe I am alone on this one.) But that's how I feel with this whole working mom situation. I plan out my week with kid time and office time. Then I realize I need me time (learning and growing with God, gym time, even showering time!). So, then I rearrange my week trying to fit it all in. And I'm left wishing I had..."done better". I realize these are not unique issues that only I face. I'm just trying to find some reckoning here. Bear with me.
My birthday was yesterday. And for me, birthdays are a time to think back on the past year-much more than the new year is for me.  And each year I reckon our roots here grow deeper. We've strengthened our marriages, our family ties, our complete devotion to our children, and our friendships. And all those things make us feel secure and help us look at all the trials of that year as being "worth it". But driving home last night (from the most wonderful meal I have ever eaten) with T, we were listening to a Christian song that talked about us being nomads in this world. About NOT planting roots here because my home is not here. So, I ended my birthday feeling blessed with a wonderful year but knowing my focus this year was way off. I was focusing on perfecting myself in all the little areas of my life.
So, Today's Reckoning is something I have to relearn again and again. Every time I think-"Gosh, this is just way too hard. There has to be a 'better' way." I am graciously reminded that- If I am focusing on how I can grow HIS kingdom and not my own kingdom-the rest will be amazing. Because it will have HIS hand and not my own directing it. I reckon I need to have my favorite verse tattooed on my forehead for the next time I forget. Jeremiah 17:8 He will be like a tree planted by the water that sends out its roots by the stream. It does not fear when heat comes; its leaves are always green. It has no worries in a year of drought and never fails to bear fruit. So, today I reckon I will plant my roots by The Stream and not worry. Duh.

My facebook status will not hold enough characters...

So, I was trying to post a status update on facebook. And, as usual, I wanted to write a novel...and it cut me off. Today-I'm not in the mood to be cut off, stopped short, or ignored. So, I reckon, today, I'll start a blog. Isn't that all a blog is for someone like me? Someone with nothing creative to say, nothing to say to a particular person, nothing book-worthy, it's just a place to ramble about my reckonings. Not the judgmental kind of "reckon"- the southern, "Well, I reckon". That's all this is.
Here's what I wanted to put on my status: I know you are interested...
A morning in the life of a mother of two boys:
7am: I am not complaining about that time! Wake up to B crawling into my bed and asking me where BawBaw and Gamaw are. "At their house...are you still sleepy?" A tired momma can hope.
8am: Boys are fed and have been caught and dressed for the gym. I realize their finger nails are long enough to inflict harm ( accidental or intentional). I get the clippers and trim their "zinger" nails (as B would say). I then realize how filthy my children are. Must have played hard at the park last night with BawBaw and Gamaw.
8:30am: Boys are bathed, lotioned, dressed (again) and strapped in a car seat. We're on our way to the 9 am class at the gym that is 45 mins away.
Side note: I always swore I wouldn't be one of those parents who could NEVER make it somewhere on time bc they had kids. Never say...
 9:15am: Starting my 2 hour work out.
10:15am: Noah is screaming at gym nursery door. His eyes are puffy, his shrieks are attracting other mother's radar, he's looking right at me. We pack up and leave early.
10:45am: We crash a friend's house and let the kids play while we have some adult talk. She generously feeds my children "unch" (B again), lets them wreck her house, and I feel a little saner. I say I'll bring food next time, chase the boys down and strap them in the car again.
12:30pm: Drive home. Call the husband-who, bless his heart, is so busy he doesn't have a minute to hear about how my workout got cut short, or how N has crashed in the backseat bc he played like such a big, sweet boy at said friend's house, or how B was driven around in a pink Cadillac in friend's backyard by friend's gorgeous daughter ( He was in heaven and had no idea he was covered in orange Popsicle).
1pm: Get home. Bring boys in. Lay them down for naps.Make my meal replacement shake. Sit down and start a blog.
Today's Reckoning: I reckon I started this blog to feel like I've shared my day with someone. It gets lonely staying at home with the boys. Any stay at home mom knows that. And having recently been needed up at the shop part-time-I know there's no where else I'd rather be than with my boys. But that doesn't make it an easier job. Just more fulfilling. So, even if no one reads this-I can feel like I've been heard and that I may still be a little bit interesting. And I didn't have to call anyone who is trying to work for a living and ramble when they have things to do. And it's a plus to have some kind of record of my time with the boys when they are growing up. We're having a blast and trying to get things done at the same time. It's a fun and tiring task.
Okay, I feel better. Time to shower and clean something before round 2. Ding Ding.